Aries – Can you repair the hole you punched in the wall? 

Taurus- Go find your Leo, clean your room, and treat yourself. 

Gemini –  You’re so two-faced…at least make one of them pretty. 

Cancer – Cry about it if you haven’t started already. 

Leo – You’re gonna have a great day, sexy! 

Virgo –  Its not that serious. Calm down please. Hope you had a good birthday! 

Libra –  Happy Halloween to all my libra girls, guys watch your back and happy birthday. 

Scorpio – Go return those devious licks. NOW!!!!

Sagittarius – Check cancer for your horoscope. 

Capricorn – I don’t care enough about you to know.  Sorry, maybe next time. 

Aquarius – You should be a water sign, but other than that, you’ll have a terrible week…or not. Astrology isn’t real.

Pisces women  – You need to stop crying. You’re almost as bad as cancers.

Pisces men- If astrology isn’t real, why do you act like that?