Kiara Quezada

Peanut butteritus

A terrible disease going around the United States has sadly taken its toll on one of North’s very own teachers, Mr. Nicholas Valente.  Mr. Valente, a mediocre but beloved part of our English Department, recently contracted a disease known as the Peanut butter virus from reckless peanut butter consumption.  As of this writing, Mr. Valente’s poor life choices have left him unable to enjoy the foods he normally eats like chocolate, cakes, pizza, or even chicken nuggets.

What Happens When You Have This Disease?

Dr. Ronald Donald Hemsworth found out that people develop this rare disorder after eating over 100 sandwiches in less than a week. Your body adapts to it. It can only live on that one and only thing now. Mr. Valente, who reportedly could not stop eating even in front of his students, is now in the end stages, which, according to Dr. Hemsworth, means that his blood stream will start to slowly become peanut butter.

How Can We Help This Teacher?

Unbelievable Peanut Butter Facts | Anges de Sucre
Actual photo of Mr. Valente last week

Donate to his gofundme @peanutbutterdiseaseplz help. By anonymously donating large amounts of money to this teacher, he can afford to get treatment and enjoy other foods again. Please Please help and visit www. whatispeanutbutteritis.comF1QipMeRO_-NYjwVQTAtg91WPALEooYPuWf2 to learn more about this disease. For real. Click it.  Help the man, you monster.